steady breathing for the morning to come.

changing circles.

2008-06-08T21:50:00.002+08:00

BREATHE.

because other forms of the number 22 are unavailable.
i'm still a 13 (thirteen) kind of person though.

have a good day/evening. (:

catch22

2008-06-01T21:04:00.001+08:00

so i've settled on something.

but smart ass me clicked on the wrong button an now it's been deleted.

hopefully i'll get it back real soon.

are you bored?

2008-05-31T01:53:00.002+08:00

i just saw this horribly cute scene from this movie.

(:

and HEY!

i might just be changing my site soon...

i don't think the pencils thing is working for me anymore. so......

till next.

when kids are annoying.

2008-05-27T10:49:00.002+08:00

i swear the kids at the whatever care must be on drugs or something.

it's eleven and they're making way too much noise for a bunch of kids.
people around here need to sleep.
don't they have school or something?

/edit/

it's been brought to my attention that they have hols now.

no wonder my brother hasn't been home for two days now.

oh.
uncle called to say that bro may be smoking.
but my parents just asked a round of questions.
brother denies and he gets off pretty easy.

this is one reason i hate sons.
they're always, if not often,

GOLDEN.

something nothing.

2008-05-25T13:01:00.002+08:00

see that there on the right?

i got bored and happened to have time.

enjoy.

this quiet.

2008-05-21T14:59:00.002+08:00

even with the load of work that's due,

the 'inner-peace' that i have feels too quiet.
way too quiet that i find myself leaning on to certain things once in a while.

it feels unhealthy.

i can't even do a decent post without sounding schizo.

an epidemic of sorts.

2008-05-14T15:12:00.003+08:00

seems to me that people around me are having a pretty bad week.

one of those that never seem to end.

and it's only wednesday.
i've been looking forward to the weekend since monday. /:

i am sleepy.
and i am behind in french.
and my earpiece has failed me.

---

11.05 pm.

dad massaged my ankle.
i'm looking at it..and i'm thinking..i think it's bigger.

i found a new earpiece.

and i've nicknamed my ankles Jerkyll and Hyde.

this week couldn't get better. (:

oh..some lil tyke is having his birthday this weekend. i'm thinking food.

and mum just asked me about that video.

I AM SO IN THE MOOD TO LET THINGS FUCK UP DUE TO MY CURRENT SHORT ATTENTION SPAN AND INCAPABILITY TO HAVE ANY LOVE FOR CERTAIN THINGS.

ok.

karma.

2008-05-13T23:51:00.002+08:00

i think it is.

for having been procrastinating the past week.

i am annoyed at myself.

so much for doing everything (or most of it by today)
and i've french to worry about now..

at least my up side is that i got a purple bandage.
now you SO cannot beat that for funk and quirk. (:

(i do my best to keep myself in an acceptable mood)

this teeny fantasy... :D

2008-05-11T17:38:00.002+08:00

GUESS WHAT!!!!!

in her next cameo or role or whatever, in the brit film Snappers or something like that..

JOSS STONE has a scene where she kisses a LAYDEE!!!

ok. yeah. that's it.

i'm not perverse or anything.

just a gay fan. (:

music we call soul.

2008-05-10T20:50:00.001+08:00

i could do that.

write some soul.

yeahh..

i could try do that.

i just found a gem! (:

2008-05-03T11:50:00.006+08:00

/edit/ I FOUND THIS OTHER WICKED SET!!! (:

but i think this one is still much more worth it. (:

now guess just what this box holds.......hehehehehehehehehehhe...
all SEVEN SEASONS OF BtVS!!! (:
it's a collector's edition set.
it's got one extra disc where casts say which episodes are their favourites. and then there's a bit on the relationships in the Buffyverse and obviously I hope and want to watch the bit on Willow!!!
it's on AMAZON for US$170.

MAJOR BUMMER!

i'll keep dreaming..

now i feel like such a geek.

Punch and Judy/Jules

2008-05-01T19:41:00.003+08:00

Punch and Judy is actually a puppet play.
the sort you could find on the streets or the parks or fairs.

Punch is this abusive bloke who's also somewhat a trickster and his wife is Judy.
you can find Punch in a couple of countries e.g Britain, Germany, Italy, France, Denmark.
so he's got a couple of names e.g Pulcinella, Kasper, Mester Jackel to name a few.

There's a couple of songs, movies, books and comics that have Mr. Punch or Punch and Judy in them.

Also there's a band from Indianapolis called Punch Judy.

and no i didn't get my email wrong or whatever.
Jules is my guitar. (:

it's an organized mess.

2008-04-30T00:06:00.003+08:00

i feel this word vomit coming but it seems stuck in my throat.

words just don't form right and bounce off one another, and thoughts run smooth into each other that any sense of logic i have, can't make heads or tails of it.

and when your escapes don't work anymore, where do you run to?
i could dig a hole and just bury myself but it's the light that i need and maybe want.

and yes. i do feel. maybe a little self-indulgent on the darker side of things.
but i don't get bright things too often, that when i do, i'd rather keep it to myself as much as possible.

sometimes you just need something that's totally only yours, you know?

it may seem selfish, but i think it's more of self-preservation.

punchandjules

2008-04-28T21:06:00.003+08:00

change of e-mail address.

for those who got me on msn. i changed it to (what's up there on the post title)@hotmail.com

please click on the add button when it asks you to. (:

have a good week ahead!

virgin state of mind.

2008-04-23T23:07:00.003+08:00

it could be stoicism.
but i haven't been good with the hiding of late.

it could be a catatonic like reaction.
but i'm typing this aren't i?

how sometimes we struggle just to keep the thoughts going because as much as we're afraid of how absurd they sound, they keep us sane. and the quiet is not as deafening.

of the adorable kind. (:

2008-04-21T22:10:00.002+08:00

hahahahahahahahahhahahaha..

my mum is watching some horror flick on tv and she's shamelessly half covering her eyes while watching it.

(:

choux pastry heart.

2008-04-21T21:51:00.004+08:00

Happy 18th Love. (:

haha..you sent me that photo saying it was a latest star or something of that sort.
now that's done.

i have this sorta thought in my head.

whoever my subconscious has a grip on;
Thank You. (:

'I desire the simple things...' - Corinne Bailey Rae

can i burn the maizes i grow?

2008-04-18T21:59:00.002+08:00

my thoughts run in a non-rhythm fashion.

and i annoy the fuck out of you.

sorry, but i just can't help it sometimes.

of things old school.

2008-04-16T23:28:00.002+08:00

or from the 90s at least.

anyone has an older sibling who might have a copy of Dashboard Prophets album?
from the year 1996.

how about Darling Violetta too? as in the band.
it's kinda dark pop. i think it's associated to goth.

i think Nikka Costa is pretty funky.
she's got J.Stone hair. or does J.Stone have her hair? o.O

oh. i feel for some Elvis Costello too.

that'll be it.

doofus.

2008-04-14T23:04:00.002+08:00

too many times today i wished i could just smack myself at the back of my head or something like that.

honestly, someone should.

my apologies to those that i've confused and offended.

one more hour to tomorrow.
c'mon! i want to get today over and done with.

a bit of babble.

2008-04-11T02:46:00.005+08:00

fuck it.

i keep forgetting to do certain things that i have to do.
so unimportant yet so needed.

and because of all that i haven't been getting much sleep.

not exactly looking forward to the weekend.
i know i'm suppose to go to my cousin's engagement.
but i'd rather not go cause i'm mostly going for the food.
won't be expecting much company, Men says he's working and my brother not much of help.
dad says i'm suppose to take pictures.
if i had a real nice camera then i'd be more than glad to hide behind the lens.
but i don't. and he's making a big fuss about me not already having in my hands a borrowed pretty camera.

i can see it clearly in my head.

questions about school. questions in general. greeting whoever. smiling politely at every remark, comment, whatever. the occasional looking out for people to check out. but since i already know the crowd, guess i'll just see who looks different(read: better) and who actually tries to make conversation with me. and then comes the beating myself up and thinking 'they're friggin family' and 'i should have just pissed of dad and gone to school' cause well got some things to prepare for the soccer booth.

and of course afterwards, mum/dad/whichever uncle or aunt bold enough to talk straight to me, will compare me to a girl who has dreams of having three kids by the age of 26. if mum or dad does the talking then i'll just grumble and block most of it out but if it's someone else then they'll most probably bruise my pride and if what they say is within hearing distance of my parents, mum will definitely give me one of her many looks and i'll have that pang in my chest cause to me that look says 'oh god, people must think that i'm a horrible mother, just look at my daughter who's not exactly butch but...oh god..' or something like that with a pinch of 'they just insulted me'.
and then she's just gonna bug me about my clothes, if brother dearest was around when all the talk happened he's gonna bug me too.

and that just reminds me. had this 'conversation' a few nights ago. was in a position where i could have simply outed myself.
tsk tsk. sometimes the way my parents phrase things makes it so easy.
that i could have brought it up and then covered it up as a joke and then feel all dirty that i chickened out and lied about telling a truth after telling it. (it makes enough sense when thought in my head)

on the bright side. (yes there is one. though not very bright)

i do know for a fact that certain relatives (though i doubt very much would be there) - ok. not much help there since they most probably won't be attending as they didn't get invited. so i shall not say what i had in mind. so not much of a bright side anymore.

it's my cousin's second engagement you see.
they sorta want to keep it on the low. but not in a sneaky way.
more like the saving face way.
first one got called off around the last hari raya.
better than being stood up on you're wedding day right?
so new guy, i'm guessing the atmosphere might be a little 'oh. been here. done that.'
not sure for the guy though. apparently he used to stay in ang mo kio and if what mum told me was right then he should be rather acquainted with some my older cousins, no idea if they're gonna drop by though.

and finally there's the horrible thought that school starts the next day.
maybe i can use that as an excuse. but how far can i stretch it? o.O

other than that, i think i have been to far too many weddings and engagements.
see i already have a pretty good idea of the event which is yet to be.
i blame the what used to be a family business but now it's just my uncle's.
ok, not blame exactly. i do thoroughly enjoy the food and the occasional candy, for the eyes that is.

in 6 hours i'm suppose to meet deemei in school.
bah. doubt i'll be sleeping.

so.

i'm hoping for a good weekend.

i still have room to hope for you too if anyone needs it?

come on eileen : earworm.

2008-04-06T01:01:00.005+08:00

Poor, old Johnnie Ray
sounded sad upon the radio

my italics button not working right.so bear with me.
i'm afraid to mess with the bold button now.
so yeahh...(this is slightly amusing.)

so.

i like the feel of loud reverb. (not sure
if i'm explaining it right)
when the bass goes boom and you feel it in you.
when you feel that stronger than your hearbeat.

i like that.

cause sometimes mine goes a little fast
and i'm not sure why. but the other gives me 
something steady to focus on. since usually
i get that from music. pretty safe to say it's not the
slow, sad sort of songs. so keeps you on
a 'right track'.
double meaning there.

and now my brother owes me a little.
macs just came in.

suddenly not in the mood for apple pie anymore.

i should sleep yes?


maybe. in a little while, i suppose.

it's a phase. maybe.

2008-04-03T01:48:00.002+08:00

i know i promised pictures.
but i realised i don't have any that i took.

so just click on over to nrl's or meen's why don't you?

and youtube got some nice videos up. search for zanyama, the user.

ok. so what phase?

Tank Girl

AND

Amber Benson.

if you get me than you get why.
that's the beauty of our relationship. (:

April 1st.

2008-04-01T23:52:00.002+08:00

I know a brother. His name is Nathaniel.
He's about four or five years old.
He is very abled.
He's just about to start K1.
He might need a laptop in time to come.
I have faith he will grow up strong.

I know a brother. His name is Jeremy.
He's only 21 months.
He has spina bifida.
He just started crawling.
He might need a wheelchair or walking aid in time to come.
I have faith he will grow up strong.

-----

I know a man.
He is 83.
He is in the hospital.
Down with something that comes with old age.
He is a nice man and smiles a fair bit.
He is a strong man.

I know a woman.
She is, I'm not sure how old.
She is in the hospital
She is looking after the man.
She too is nice and smiles a fair bit.
She is a strong woman.

-----

the past 30 hours.

2008-03-29T01:37:00.002+08:00

FUCKING SURREAL.

I PROMISE SOME VISUALS IN THE NEXT POST.

we sang for KT Tunstall and she whipped out her cam and recorded us. (:

and she drew prettyness on Jules.

most respect.

2008-03-28T00:19:00.002+08:00

we got more than what we bargained for.

SHE IS ONE HELL OF A PERFORMER!!!

and she's one of the nicest who stays to sign till there's no more to sign.

i'm just happy. (:

guess what...

2008-03-27T01:04:00.002+08:00

IT'S FUCKING DRASTIC FANTASTIC THURSDAY!!! : D

I AM GOING TO SEE KT TUNSTALL!!!

YOU ARE JEALOUS. I KNOW YOU ARE. : D

Bonnie.

2008-03-24T23:13:00.003+08:00

call me what you will.

but as much as i want to get an electric,

i just remembered that since a kid i pictured myself with a black acoustic. one with white around the edges. (like the one marion raven has i think. KT has a black too.)
if and when and i can, i'm gonna get that black as a hard-top.

hmm, what now to the dreams of an electric to funk out on?

this = BUMMER.

delirium?

2008-03-23T22:25:00.004+08:00

"so many opportunities i've wasted"

'"there's one in front of you now" and she looks straight at me. just like that she blew me away.

it's one of those where you know it's your subconscious but you can just never be sure.

a face i don't remember. even the voice.
maybe it's not even a her.

whatever or whoever; was terrifyingly beautiful.

the questions keep on coming.

2008-03-22T03:23:00.002+08:00

but what sort of truth are the answers?

do we only believe what we want to?
or by association? (some may even say obligation)
how about by pure faith that truth is truth? (i don't mean on the surface type, but a twisted one somewhat) e.g the rat is still a rat, even though it's roadkill.

psycho-analysing isn't fun.

it's SICK.

but it's a must if you want to understand.

i'm going to stay away.

2008-03-19T23:00:00.002+08:00

till i get smarter or something else.

buried deep as you can dig inside yourself.

2008-03-19T00:07:00.002+08:00

so i guess "places that you've come to fear the most" by Dashboard Confessional will be this years' song.

in a bittersweet way.

to all those who remembered(even through facebook and friendster or elsewhere),

Thank You so very much. (:

sorry i can't reply my thanks to those who texted.
don't have a working phone with me. bummer.

oh. most people i know like it big and flashy.

i just realised today how much i actually really really like it quiet. (:

quiet and pleasant. (:

Thank You once again.

be fantabulous people.

maybe it's just me.

2008-03-17T20:04:00.003+08:00

for the past few years now, everytime March 18th comes around, the house i live in seems to be diseased somehow.

everyone, excluding my brother and pretty much leaving my parents, goes monosyllabic and walk around making angry faces at me especially.

honestly, i can't think of anything that i did to piss them off that bad.

sometimes i think that the reminder of me being born pisses them off.

so what's the point really?

in waking up on the 18th with a smile?

when I can't seem to do right.

and I'm not the girl they want me to be.

well darlin' it's you i'm without.

2008-03-17T13:04:00.002+08:00

i can't seem to get Jules tuned.

and phone company person called.
phone gotta be sent for higher repair. apparently it's pretty fucked up.
why don't you nice people just give me a new one?

other than that,
i'm hungry and staying home don't seem that fun anymore.

it seems so monosyllabic.

'these heroes and thieves at my door,
i can't seem to tell them apart anymore.'

- Vanessa Carlton.

of emotions.

2008-03-15T23:20:00.003+08:00

my brother makes me feel pathetic.
i am conflicted by his actions.
i don't want to be a hypocrite but i think i sounded like one earlier.
he smokes.

i hate it how mum and dad says he follows after me.

onto another issue.

there's no such thing as being alone, no matter how fucked up you feel.
just gotta look hard and not give up.
sometimes it takes forever, but the trying helps keeps the mind off certain things i guess.
at least it works sometimes.

other than that.

nurul now has better stamina than me.
boy, do i suck.

'i watch him sparkle.' - kate walsh.

by the way, my phone is in repair.
you could get me at home. i intend to stay in.

after a little over ten days.

2008-03-14T21:58:00.002+08:00

got angry for the first time in a while today.
at the little fucker i have for a brother.
(less love for him today)
gave Jules to his friend to play.
not that i mind. but i worked hard for that guitar and if anything had happened to it, it wasn't like he was going to replace it.
so i yelled at him infront of his friends, and he put Jules back in less than a minute.
guess he sorta loss face.AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

and i felt all hot and stuffy in crowds.
it actually took sometime to get used to being in the city again. with the not so bright and not much gloomy either skies.

oh. and i noticed that Dad was wearing a different watch when he got home.
so i asked about it. turned out it's his old watch. a really really old seiko thats 150m water resistant and doesn't work on battery but on pulse or something like that.
plus it's got this dial thing, so i could makeshift it into a compass.
it's a sports watch sorta thing. very hardy. (i remember dad using it when i was in primary school or kindergarten?then he changed.)
and he said i could have it and that i should change the strap to an original one.
which he said "the shop said the straps gonna come in about a week"

and since i plan to send my phone for repair tomorrow (i can hear you but not you, me. )
i guess the watch will come in handy.
it's a pretty wicked watch if i get the right wicked strap for it.

Meen should be in KL now. or reaching maybe? Nurul just got back from the cruise today.
haven't heard from Nissa in awhile. Marr and Shrtl should be in sch. Priya too. Snam also.
Nirosha and Rachel i don't know.

my room needs cleaning up once again. think i shall do it proper this time. it's mostly arranging and moving. (wait, isn't it always?) oh well.

the soccer girls aren't online. most probably at Steph's aunt. i'm suppose to be there too..

bummer.

i guess i'll be off now. back to what i think Lin would describe as 'busy and meaningless life'.

remember to be brave!
and be kind.

where's everyone?

2008-03-14T00:07:00.000+08:00

or am i the one who's at the wrong place?

tell me what you think is wonderful.

2008-03-13T03:08:00.002+08:00

be brave.
be strong.

and you might just find yourself.
in another world.

(:

13th.

2008-03-02T13:09:00.005+08:00

here's a not so random list of songs/artists :

1) Love On The Rocks - Sara Bareilles (anything by her will do really.)
'sip it slow cause it's so nice, dulls my senses drives my pain but i do it again.'

2) Incubus.
anything from megalomaniac to here in my room.

3) Kate Walsh
nice coffee/book/chill out guitar sounding Kate Walsh (original(: ).

4)Moments Rewound - Vedera
i just like it.

and because I'm the arse that i am....

5) Joss Stone. (:
need i say more?

6) Tristan Prettyman.
she 'dances' while playing her guitar and singing when performing. (:

i'm feeling pretty good now. it's a nice sunny sunday afternoon. major mess in my room but it's all dandy..

'show me show me show me, how you do that trick and i promise you, i promise you i'll run away with you' - some TP song. (:

this is ridiculous. it's three in the morning and i cant decide if i should bring the guitar or not..haha..

that's it. no guitar then.
couldn't bear the thought of possible losing Jules to unruly airport staff.

i should get hard case.

the first of march.

2008-03-01T23:03:00.005+08:00

when she's dreaming she pushes me away.
she fights to wake and i pull her up and out to the air.
and i've asked so many times but she's never gonna tell me
what she sees..

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

that was random.
i hope i can meet some of my loves tmw.

/edit/

julie said she'll be alright.
but i don't think so no i don't.
tonight was too rough, his tounge just too sharp.
and he lost his smarts as he got too clever.

think jazzy people. think bluesy.

Kate Walsh is high fantastical to my ears and heart. (:
(less on the heart..)

oh yeahh..TWELVE people in ONE cab.
go figure. (:

(this post has been edited way too many times in the past hour.)

to breathe in comfort.

2008-03-01T02:21:00.002+08:00

i am awfully sleepy but in mood to write. so let me just get it out.

absolutely hate this heavy uneasy chesty feeling. but it's much less than before. thank god.

i breathe easier now. less pangs too. and i'm sleeping early. but it's still there. so guess i'm not gonna make much a fuss. but it's still a big deal that past two days it's gone down. major relief.

today was so sick. (i should stop watching shows with language like that) went to meen's. but before that met meen and anne at TK nearabouts. then off to meens, nissa and nrl came. watched three movies. a hindi and two yasmin ahmads'. full day of chilling out on sofa, beanbag and floor. (:

now what else?

oh. i think i've a thing for the alphabet J now. not sure why. but it's a pretty funky alphabet.

and i dislike this 'one voice but many ugly faces' thing that's going on in my head now.

it's tiresome.

'this room is where you don't have to be brave.'

i'd like to meet.....

2008-02-29T00:48:00.003+08:00

a girl who introduces herself as Jones when that's actually her last name.

i haven't touched Jules for two days now.
hmm...

step 1 : try not to keep it in.

2008-02-27T22:52:00.002+08:00

so why the fuck is my dad being an arse tonight?

and now my mum is at it too....

please go away straightjacket thoughts.

i need to feel alive again.

2008-02-27T03:12:00.002+08:00

just completed watching more than half of season 7 of buffy.
i got all hopeless and scared for the characters.

and now i'm feeling a teensy better after watching the last ever episode.

then i panicked cause i needed a song to really make me feel better and i realised passed few days i've been listening to much happy sad songs. more to sad.
and now Nolita Fairytale by Vanessa Carlton is on repeat till i can find really happy songs to create a decent playlist with.

other than that.

yes. i really do need to feel alive again.
lately, i can say the past year, or almost a year perhaps, i'm not that certain how long, i've always had this weight within me.
at night when i can i'd look up into the sky looking for stars.
i want to see alot of them, when i do they calm me down.

this weight, it's a buzz-kill and it's annoying.
but it's there. it feels like a cross between a black hole sucking everything in and as though any second my heart could just stop or implode.

even as i type this i'm thinking and reasoning out theories that i have.
(certain things you just gotta do so you can get by.)
maybe it's cause i haven't seen much hope lately.
generally everything's alright. not great but alright.
and i guess things at home been tough too. there's pressure on me to set my brother right(he's going through the whole angsty adolescent phase i think, but it's getting more and more complicated). and there's also that other problem. family still holding strong. home is where i get most of my hope from. but it's been hard.
the people who - after the past 3-4-whatever years i still can't find the words to describe them. well now you most probably know who they are.
anyways, they all seem to be doing alright. i hope they are.
though i've a feeling that's not quite it. they could be doing much better than what i see or a little on the downside?

it's got to me so much that i find myself holding off sleep from the hours of 1 to about 4 in the morning. i try hard to sleep before 12 but i just find myself awake. some kind of paranoia. not doing me much good, cause mum would be yelling at me to wake up. and my body clock is kinda screwy now.

don't know if anyone ever experienced it, but when someone wakes me up from a dream and i really wake up, but struggle then force all in 30 seconds sort, i get this tingly feeling all over my body. i so do not like that feeling. i heard from somewhere, or read that when people dream(or is it sleep?), their souls wander or something. yeahh..

writing is also a comfort. i haven't been doing that. maybe i should start again.
(i'm about to tire of Nolita Fairytale.)

Under Your Spell from the Buffy Musical not much of a Nolita Fairytale.
but at least it's a pretty song Tara sang to Willow.

that weight, it comes and goes like the ebb and flow of the sea.
sometimes strong, other times gentle. but constant, like breathing.

it no longer feels like a want, more like a need.
to feel alive.

OSCARS!

2008-02-25T11:16:00.003+08:00

hahahaaha..

did you see Cate Blanchett's face when they announced Marion Cotillard for Best Actress?
She was genuinely delighted and cheering on for her. such a nice lady. (:

i like Cotillard from Jeux D'Enfant (Love Me If You Dare). and from the Taxi trilogy. (:
now it's a must to watch La Vie En Rose. (Edith Piaf)

ooh...August Rush. that looks nice too.

Cameron Diaz looks pretty in pink. she has nice arms too..
hahahahaha..i'm typing this as i watch. and she has trouble saying Cinematography, cute.

ooh..Once was made for hundred grand. that's really cool.

ooh..Hilary Swank. haven't watched Million Dollar Baby properly. but Boy's Don't Cry is most definitely one of the best i've seen.
their paying homage to the Late Greats. ):
i wonder if Heath Ledger is in it. ooh..he's in it. the last one to be...is honoured the word?yeahh..

they've got the army officers from Baghdad naming out the nominees for what i'm not sure. i wonder if it's really live or recorded.
and one of them is talking about discrimination against same sex couples...oooohh..
ooh...for best documentary.short. Freeheld.

sweeeeeeeetttt.....Diablo Cody won best original screenplay. (:

i always knew that Ben Affleck and Casey Affleck had the same last names.
and both are pretty different. i just realised that they are in actual fact brothers.

ooooh...excitement...Daniel Day Lewis for Best Actor.

Best Motion Picture now.... (:
No Country For Old Men.

cool..i guess that's it. (:

and i am annoyed that i cannot find half or the latter part of season 4 BUFFY.
now how am i suppose to re-discover Willow and Tara?

coming out.

2008-02-24T12:54:00.002+08:00

sia furler did just that.

it's a tough thing to do.
hell, i'm sure not ready yet.

best tv gay couple in my book,

willow and tara.
from buffy the vampire slayer.

i shall go drown myself in the current awesomeness which i think is Incubus.

when it transcends the bad things.

2008-02-22T18:43:00.002+08:00

for the past 11 years or so that i've lived in this block, i've always liked taking 138.
i still do like it.

i took the bus earlier and i thought i saw Romola Garai.
who is she?

for those who caught the play King Lear last year, i believe she was Cordelia.
others might remember her as Kate Nickleby (Nicholas Nickleby) Briony at 18 (Atonement), Vivian (Scoop) and Kate (Diry Dancing : Havana Nights).

i swear i would have gone up to her had not the bus been full of tourists from thailand.

bout three days ago i saw a Joss Stone lookalike.
and that same day..a chubby Gaspard Ulliel.

two days ago i saw this middle aged lady. she had reddish orangy dark hair. red flannel shirt too. she gave me a look. it intrigued me but i kept telling myself she's middle aged. a tad old for an older woman. but she's beautiful for her age though. a certain vivacity about her.

i like taking the bus.

and because of that i think i need a new hobby.

'love sings.
have a heart and try me. ' - Love Hurts, Incubus.

pisces.

2008-02-20T00:47:00.003+08:00

i am pretty bored. so thought i'd look it up. (:

Pisces.

okay. let's break it down now. (:

The Pisces sign is a pair of fish swimming head to tail in a circle (sometimes linked by a thread). It's representative of life after death or reincarnation. The two fish also somewhat signify the duality, some sort of a struggle with the soul and body.

Water sign. Feminine sign. also can be a negative sign. In the twelth house, the last house. And because of that we're the most developed spiritual or something(don't take my word for it).

Jupiter(Zeus) used to rule us. Now we're ruled by Neptune (sea goddess).
Jupiter keeps us sane, on the right track. Neptune leads us astray. Will elaborate abit more later.

A popular myth about how Pisces came about is.....
So one day Typhon ( a nasty beast from the Titans era) well he decided to stomp on over to Mount Olympus and wreak havoc. So the gods transformed to animals to escape. Aphrodite and her son Eros, they transformed to fishes to swim the hell out of there. The string that can sometimes maybe often seen in different artistic interpretations of the sign well, that's the string that Aphrodite and Eros had so that they wouldn't get lost from each other swimming about. (:

(now do you see where the whole water thing came about?)

Common traits :
very creative, spiritual, unworldly, enhanced intuitive abilities, sympathetic, selfless and more.

Traits that are not good :
escapist, secretive, vague, dreamers, when we're depressive it can kill other's moods.

okay, so we're pretty impressionable therefore socially polular cause we're laid back and easy going. we can be completely absorbed into our environment. also, because we're like a malleable sign, we adapt well to many things, situations and circumstances. Oh. we're also not typical. we don't like 9 to 5 things. to boxy for us. (:

we like to watch and wait for a problem to solve itself rather than go at it from the start. but we do love challanges.

we love all things beautiful, art and nature. we're more into inner beauty than out. but since we love all things beautiful, pretty faces are also included.

and when we're in our zone, we're just incredible. (:

(hahaha..okay..i'm not selling anything here..but it's about to get interesting..i'll even include details on love and sex..ahahahah...)

ok..so for love.
we make fantabulous friends. we're loyal. we're good listeners. we have hyper intuitve abilities. so we pick up things pretty fast. but don't mean we acknowledge it.

i know i said i'll include nice fancy bits.

but typing this is pretty.....tiresome.

and making me self-conscious. (oh. pisceans have that as a fault. some at least)

well, whatever it is that i've typed is of my own interpretation of numerous websites.
they all pretty much concur with one another.

to complete somethings.....

the bit about Jupiter and Neptune. well, Jupiter makes us noble. the moral side of us somewhat. and Jupiter, well..drugs and alcohol pop out quite abit. so yeahh. that comes from Neptune. If we ever get down it won't be a surprise if we turn to things such as alcohol and drugs, cause we're idealistic with our dreams, so we take things personally (when it is personal that is).

and the bit about Aphrodite. i guess that links to how we're very good lovers. loyal and giving and all. romance and love is life to us. there's some more but too tired now.

to sum it up.

since we're the last sign. the 12th. well, we're flexible really, sites say that we have malleable natures right?and we're all about the love and life and beauty and i think we sound like hippies and we're pretty carefree and always looking for inspiration so we actually mould ourselves differently.

that's why it's possible to get two completely different types of Pisceans.

you know....i think that's true for me.

i'm outta here.
by the way,

anyone wants to know about some part of their sign? (:

somersault.

2008-02-18T10:40:00.002+08:00

the whole night i've tried to type out what i feel.
but i keep hitting the delete button.
what's the problem?

i don't know what i feel.

go check out somersault by zero 7 if you have the time.

it's the only song that's able to keep me truly calm. for this morning at least.

does it end?

2008-02-15T13:51:00.002+08:00

will kids in the US of A stop killing/shooting others and themselves?

maybe not.

but can they at least cut it down?

it's so worrisome.

happy b'day mum! or v'day for some.

2008-02-14T23:36:00.021+08:00

oohweee...Happy Birthday Mum!! (:

went to Fig & Olive's. yes we did.

'they're chilling like ice cream filling, ' (:

their photo's not that glam...haha..some other....fancy wedding then.

i don't know how to arrange them nicely and in order. see any resemblance anyone?
we were nice to each other tonight. i let him wear my cardigan and he offered to carry my guitar. (:

but he just had to comment how he found a certain couple disgusting. /:
now i wonder when can i ever tell you brother dearest? oh well....

I love Sambal Sardines! (:

by the way, Happy Valentine's day to everyone.
i think i saw some lonely people earlier..bummer..

for those who had a good one. here's hoping for some better.
and for those who didn't have any. here's also hoping for a lovelier tomorrow! (:

and one of the neatest handwritings arrived in the mail today... (:

S.N.A.M's hearts. (:

have a good day everyone. (:

distraction. i need.

2008-02-10T19:14:00.000+08:00

fuck. what the hell. i really do need one.

it's not that the thoughts that are running through my head are not important.

it's just that they're scary. they actually fucking scary.

so a distraction.

i actually miss Red. i forgot how she sounds like.

and i think if Jules had a mind of her own.

she'd run away from me. i've been boring.

and hey. grammy's are on tomorrow morn singapore time.

i hope Justin wins the best dance track for Lovestoned.

good luck to Paramore for best new artist.

oh. Feist too. she's got a couple of nominations. pretty cool.

haha. and The White Stripes got a few up with Icky Thump. that's a good record.

Foo Fighters too with The Pretenders. (:

i don't think Rihanna's records are deserving of a win. but Umbrella was quite a shocker hit. so, yeahh..good that it got nominated i guess.

okay. got to go.

opal. you're not quite pure.

2008-02-05T21:42:00.000+08:00

let's start with the end.

a theory.

the practice of claiming to have moral standards or beliefs to which one's own behaviour does not conform. that's straight up hypocrisy for you.

now that's just fucked up.

before that idea even popped into my head though, there was the pleasure in knowing that there was an innocence in experience. a lack thereof. naivety basically.

so every detail of information henceforth, ones that stained the belief, got swept under the rug. or rolled away with it. if you think about it. dirt doesn't stop producing itself, so it wouldn't take that long for the dirt to build. and eventually, the rug will either a) roll out or b) someone will notice the mound and hey presto, dirt's out again.

assuming that you really want to hide this dirt, you can throw it out but hey, anyone can poke through your garbage. after all once you throw something it's no longer yours and one man's thrash is another man's treasure right?

so to lie, it's a simple deal.

but to be honest, to be true. that can be a tough deed.

it's easiest to be true when you're not afraid. when there's no dirt on you.

and it's also easy to lie when what you don't know can't hurt you.

so where does the hypocrisy come in? you may ask.

well..in the lying process. you say one thing but you know another. and by using terms such as sweeping and hiding, it all comes down to actions. so technically it's doing one thing and also the other.

and here is where the unfortunate BUT comes in.

but after it all. i still prefer to see the good. even if the talent that you have is to bitch. well, what can i say? you do it darn well.

and i remember the naivety that started it all. maybe i've seen too many horrible things that people do or have been done unto other people. to actually wonder if hypocrisy is what i see before me. i mean; personally i know that under beautiful and strong exteriors i can find wounded and ugly interiors. and i know without a doubt that you could be the same. different in and out.

but which?

what kind of in and out?

if it's hypocrisy you're guilty of then it's the most brilliant con that i've seen by far.

if it's naivety then bless your heart and i wish you well.

what i hate is not knowing which.

only thing i know is that you're an opal.

something almost white.

something not quite pure.

still an opal is a gemstone.

so go figure.

momentarily.

2008-02-02T00:22:00.000+08:00

again and again.

it won't go away. BUGGER.

tried my best to ignore it but today was a breath of fresh air. good gracious god.

rushed my arse to parkway after school. had coffee and a good chat. crashed meen's after. what else?

usual rips and things. this time material was from nissa. got home pretty late. near twelve i suppose.

but i like the ride on the way to paya lebar. i shall summarise.

there was this little girl beside me all fidgety and kept looking at me and what i was doing.

passed her my tic tacs and she just took it. like a junkie.

she calmed down abit.

had two bandages on her left arm. needle marks i reckon.

feeling from the memory will get me through another week i hope.

i just hope it was alright for her to take sweets. looked like she needed it.

plus i looked around but i couldn't see anyone looking out for her. figured it alright.

and last thing i need now is to get addicted to cough syrup.

of ash and rosewood.

2008-01-31T19:12:00.000+08:00

'you got my number but i always knew the score....'

after i save up for KT.

i think it's about time i save for an electric.

and hopefully ten thousand bucks will fall into my lap then i'll consider a fender jaguar. maybe a custom one. (:

'who did you think i was?'

green and no brown-ish please.

2008-01-30T23:45:00.000+08:00

i'm gonna talk about mucus.

just thought i'd warn you first. (:

i really don't like it that when you blow your nose BOTH green and brown-ish mucus comes out.

i'm cool with the green. cause that means i'm getting better.

i get the brown-ish cause apparently i sneeze too hard and some veins inside pop or something.

therefore i bleed inside somewhere.

and thing is i don't remember sneezing hard or much yesterday!

and just a few minutes ago i felt my throat..well....

let's just say i really really really really hope that i don't bleed there.

just way too scary.

and the back of my tongue feels really warm.

as in i can feel it warm with my mouth closed.

like ulcer warm.

so...yeahhh..

i'm real bored. and i couldn't think of anything to write about but i felt that something was needed.

ok. that's it. thanks for reading if you did. (:

excitement is in the air i breathe (and it hurts)

2008-01-30T00:16:00.000+08:00

even with the bad throat and i hope an alright larynx.

managed to write and play some. (:
i am wicked excited. (even my expressions kinda off.)
there's a 5% chance that it might be something real good.

other than that, please check out Sia at any good record store. (:
personally i like the album Colour The Small One.

'momentarily, she makes me happy.'
i say that's what Loves often do.
so,
'be my friend.'

have a good day/night.

who am i to kid?

2008-01-27T23:55:00.000+08:00

only thing i can do is to constantly tell myself to keep it real.

and keep it simple.

not to tug on the heart-strings too much.

that they're the only thing keeping me calm enough.

can't keep my hands off my cherry-burst wonder though.

a song within a month or two maybe.

i hope.

i've a test come morning and i'm not smart enough yet.

heavy on the tunes.

2008-01-27T22:25:00.000+08:00

THE RUNAWAYS.

JOAN JETT

PJ HARVEY

REGINA SPEKTOR

i'm giddy.

oh. and i've a small thing for N.B now. hahahahahahaha.

'hey remember that month, when i only ate boxes of tangerines.

so cheap and juicy!'

Damn whatever iT may be.

2008-01-26T23:48:00.000+08:00

CONFLICTed.

DisTRAUGHT

I feel so Fucking RESTLESS inside and I do NOT KNOW WHY.

Superman's Dead.

2008-01-24T00:03:00.000+08:00

Heathcliff Andrew Ledger rather.

it's devastating.

at the current moment from my perspective.
i think One Man Army by OLP is a song for him.

i got this Bob Dylan song but i can't remember what.
so yeah.

now i really cannot wait for The Dark Knight to come out.

oh boy, life IS a bitch.

2008-01-23T00:13:00.000+08:00

i know, i know.
it's not that i just found that out. but it deemed fit a title for this post. (or at least i think so)

okay. POINT ONE.

i definitely do not understand the grand scheme of things in this world.
but i do have my faith.

it's just that i hate the way hope builds up within someone and then it crumbles just cause some bastard or bitch can't be decent.
like my mum for instance.

she quit her previous job at this certain food place. why you may ask?
cause they don't pay her right. i think they still owe her some.
and they make her slave. not work. SLAVE.
i pity the granny that works there.
most of it i heard THE BITCH OF A MANAGER is to be blamed.
and then she got this other job
she started yesterday and today was her last day.
HOW THE HELL CAN THAT BANKRUPT BASTARD OPEN A BLOODY SHOP?
he can pay his employees daily but he treats em like fuck.
don't even get me started.

but it's just way too cruel. when mum got a job again i thought 'hey, this could work out'
but now i just can't help but feel foolish.
one too many times have i thought that and nothing good ever came out of it.

so. some might now ask what's the deal? i'm not the only one. i know that.
but i got my rights to rant.

again, so.
do i see myself forsaking the Borneo trip that i really want to go to?
and also forsaking THE KT TUNSTALL CONCERT?

life is a bitch.

by the way,
fuck you to the bastards at Ascent Media.

okay. POINT TWO.

i miss my beauties. /:
such a bummer.
i believe some are called The Imperfections? some sort or rather.
the rest. well. right now i shall just call em The Bunch.
so to be fair to all.
i miss my beauties.

tonnes i could say but what's the point?
everyone. wait.

okay most people got someone they miss.
like a best friend, or sibling or even parent.
so no need for me to write more.

it's already 12.40 a.m and it's the 23rd of January.

enough of this.

have a good day (world).

player, player, pants on fire.

2008-01-21T23:57:00.000+08:00

i want to kick my brother's arse so bad.

but i can't.

i dislike fidelity in such circumstances.
he's my brother.

i think he needs to get burned.
bad. he needs to be broken.

sometimes i think we're both the same, really.
we can do without but it just happens to be infront of us so we take it.

only difference is.
he breaks and i fix.

i don't think he's even met her.

way to go Mr. Popular.

do i know? / what's eating us?

2008-01-18T13:35:00.000+08:00

i used to think that i have a small gift.

now i don't think so anymore.

i used to think that maybe i could do something.

now i'm not brave enough anymore.

i know someone killed me.

the part of me who makes mistakes did.

so what am i to do now?

come back reborn?

or just wing it like a zombie?

-----------------------

i see four bored soccer girls.
and a whole lot of otehr people who i think are bored too.
they seem to be amusing themselves banging on drums or playing something or other.

is it me or do i see/read and influx of low posts.

what's eating us all?

irony.

2008-01-18T10:26:00.000+08:00

my wallpaper is of two dead people.
a dead pilot and a dead stewardess. both...

well..people say it's creepy. cause their skin gots cuts and bruises and it's either pale or purple.

it's funny to think how i find my wallpaper kinda cool and abstract and at the same time lately i feel as though my life could end at any given moment. honest.

during the day, i keep looking to the sky to see how the clouds look like or what colour it is.

and at night i look at it in search for stars. like Orion's belt(the three stars that are in a row).

i need something fresh..
fast.

The Advetures of........ S & Z!!!

2008-01-15T11:32:00.000+08:00

was at meen's a couple of days ago and yeahh..

hahaha..it was round 9.30p.m. and we just had starbucks 'fore that.

you know,

2008-01-13T20:57:00.000+08:00

picking out what i'm suppose to pick out for certain people aren't easy.

so i'll just pick what i feel is right for a certain memory that i attach it to.

and i PROMISE that i will send the letters out tomorrow. (:

Holy Mother of -

2008-01-08T00:58:00.000+08:00

ok.

ahahahaha..
so i got tired of the last template aft three years and on my mac i can't see the pencil sharpener.

didn't expect that long list of archive to pop out from only God-knows-where.

some cleaning up much needed.

so should i put the tagboard back in or just leave you all with the comments thingy which i think this has?

haha..

i am thoroughly amused.

LIVE BLOG 1!

2008-01-07T19:03:00.000+08:00

2008-01-07T01:33:00.000+08:00

----

i really do not understand why blogger is depriving me of picture uploading.

i reckon it's time for that friggin' move.

/:

bugger. i shall just type then.

so first week of sch and the year.

who have i met?

well. i see my family everyday. so not counted.

1) my classmates
2) twin aisyah
3) nissa, meen, nurul,
4) roselle and ramlan
5) the soccer girls
6) i forgot her name. haha..zidd's a loser..
7) granmum and the brat brothers.

and the highlight of my week?

hmm..
none.
ok.maybe top-points.

1) nissa's b'day
2) FRIDAY NIGHT! (cause it's friday night)
3) the volleyball game (it was cool. (: )
4) stressing out over sch work (if you think back it's kinda funny how you stress out)
5) OH! i got a new black wallet. (:
6) trying to help you out (the one that got some rubbing off from someone)
7) oh yeah. danish bit me 4 times today. (i don't really get why, but it was cute, cause he's uber cheeky)

EYH.
I DO HAVE A HIGHLIGHT!

RE-DISCOVERING KT TUNSTALL.

ok. yeah.

i'm starting to fall into the randomness of each individual post thingy wingy with writing.

ah heck.
i hope not to just wing any work this week.
let's put our arses in it yeah? (:

OKAY. goodnight. now go listen to your favourite whatever.

and to the spears' family. bless their hearts. (haha..i'm trying my best to be positive and nice and all, bugger off if you don't like it. )

2008-01-05T23:44:00.000+08:00

----

/:

i wanted to do this live blog thing but my images HAVE BEEN LOADING SINCE LAST NIGHT.

i shall try it again soon..

2008-01-02T00:18:00.000+08:00

---

only the first day and i managed to get the household mad at me.

yelled at my brother twice. which got my parents mad at him. (cause i don't yell unless he's really bugging, and then they realised it's not him and it's me so they got mad at me instead.)

and i'm already waiting on friday to come and thinking alot about some irish coffee.

i could really have some now.

"the circus is gonna come get me."

2007-12-31T20:27:00.000+08:00

---

so this year i'm not really in the mood to celebrate the new year.

i feel unsatisfied and unfulfilled.
yes, wonderful things did come and go.
but on most parts it just feels so wasted.
on so many levels.

it was kinda empty in the train home.
couldn't stop myself from thinking. that maybe this is how 'a year older a year wiser' is suppose to feel like.
and 'man, does this suck'

certain corners of my mind are clearer to me now.
scary and thrilling no doubt.
i'm aware of them but some, they feel so grey.
like there's something telling me to break down the wall and go on through till i find another corner that's either black or white. and anything in between won't do.

it could just be the tired talking.
but i've been feeling this way for the past two weeks.

i've no resolutions.
more like aims.

past year was solitary on most parts.
pains endured very much alone and pleasures i shared what i could.
it's actually not that bad a way to go about. not that i'd recommend it though.

so a whole-hearted half-smile for today and the days before it.
some rest, an open mind and steady breathing for tomorrow and the days after.

i'm about three hours early. even so.
happy new year.

2007-12-28T23:33:00.000+08:00

---

o.0
there's this girl on faebook. i think she mistakes me for a sailor.
i do not remember ever a sailor with a name close to zidd. or azidah for that matter.

i feel like doing those end of the year post(s). but i'm not too sure of what to write.

for my family's case i'd rather just, well..say it to their faces, like i'm sorry and stuff. i know it's not hari raya and all but nobody ever specfied a day for such things.

and to my friends. well, most of the stuff i might say would most probably be general like how much i really love them and all. and i do. sometimes i wonder how is it possible to show people you love them? but i guess we need to open up (in a sense) and then let the love in. i guess make them feel safe and comfortable, w/o them realizing till later, when they're at their lows.

other than that. i am bored. even though i have work to do and my head is filled with horrifying thoughts.

and i said this before. as ridiculous as it may sound to some. but don't you just hate it when fear takes over and you want to be small again when you don't know much and had little worry except for maybe the power rangers or captain planet?

my heart really does ache for the innocence and calm of a four year old.

2007-12-28T00:46:00.000+08:00

---

now i'm telling myself that i should've taken spanish instead of french.

then i can go cuba. (:

i may not exactly fit in, cause things there seem real beautiful on the outside, but i'm sure i can get into the hearts of some. enough to live.

amo vida demasiado. (:

that rolls off the tongue better than,

j'aime la vie trop.

i think i can pull of the flair.

well..maybe. (:

but i can't keep my eyes off the beauty of it. (:

so i'm happy for now. it'll last the night and i'm thinking about not sleeping.

another reason is that the neighbours up, been making noise. think i heard a fight the other night and a door slam.

if i change a little something this should be right.

te quiero demasiado. (:

just for tonight i'm full on it.

2007-12-26T23:23:00.000+08:00

---

it looks, feel, smells, sounds -taste not applicable here- like the type of mistake i would do.

but hey. things can deceive.

and my heart aches for the calmness and innocence of a 4 year old.

"every hour wounds and the last one kills."

2007-12-26T12:54:00.000+08:00

my brother's the one fucking up his education and i'm the one that's being grilled?
so not fair.

he doesn't have a single school book and his pants aren't altered yet.

go figure.

2007-12-24T23:30:00.001+08:00

ok..no..

no angry post.

2007-12-22T03:30:00.001+08:00

it's 3.30 in the morning and i don't feel like sleeping.

i feel like i'm avoiding sleep.

oh well..i've been hearing some stuff lately.
concerning this household and some kids.
well..i think it's noble and stuff and the subject of the matter did come up before and i did say i thought it was a great idea and that maybe we should. but then today, and a little of yesterday, i thought about it again. since it was mentioned yesterday at my aunt's house and suggested by another aunt. (so what was that? a sign?)

well..i still think it's a great idea. but the full impact of how that decision could possibly change the state of this household suddenly came to me. like a big creamy pie smacked in my face sorta realization. and alsa pang it my heart, like it tugged a heartstring or two but not only in the nice way but the 'oh my god.' and 'OH MY GOD bad' sorta way.

okay..so i don't think anyone knows what i'm talking about here. cause i never before thought of it as a big deal and therefore never mentioned it to anyone. and the whole topic came about or rather out (cause i'm not sure if my mum or parents had talked about it before but it happened during Hari Raya when we were watching TV and i think my mum brought it up and the whole me saying 'hey that's cool, we could so do that' kinda way.)

ok..so i'm babbling online.

and i should get some sleep. (isn't it annoying how when you want to sleep thoughts just fill your head and you can't sleep like how i can't now.)

other than goodnight/morning i'll just leave you with two words.

to foster.

goodnight/morning.

2007-12-20T13:20:00.001+08:00

----

i'm really not in the mood for friggin baju kurungs.

fuck it.

/edit/

okay..i take back what i said. today wasn't nearly half as bad as what i expected.

but ppl kept asking certain questions.
i could only say no and smile and they speculated.
and in my head, well,

1) do i still stick with my 21 plan?

2) where's my best boy friend when i need him.

3) or maybe i can be honest, i date girls more often.

OH. brother dearest is now a volunteer. he spent the whole day at the mosque.
helping out in the slaughtering of those goats. or are they sheep?
o.0
and he's off to another mosque tomorrow to help out with selling calendars.
0.0

i'll leave it at that.

2007-12-20T00:04:00.000+08:00

---

watched Golden Compass today. with brother and meen.
it was alright. fun. (: ending not like in the book but it made sense.
since they not sure - 11.55

it's friggin 1.10 a.m. i was summoned to the depths of....The Kitchen, by Mother dearest.
back now. in the brightly lit Room. (:
i am shagged. shall continue wee bit more.

- since they not sure if they gonna do the second book. but still the ending suggests one.
i hope they do. one sole reason.

I REALLY WANT TO SEE WHO WILL PLAY WILLIAM!! (actually was gonna type Will but that would have been slightly odd.)

and i want to see the whole fight where will loses his fingers. hehehehe..

oh well...bought some books today. will be reading some finally.
and i realised the last time i touched Jules was when i went to Shrtl's.

o.0

OH! my dearest brother apparently signed up for this MZ thingy. (MZ being the initials of the guy who started the whole youth campaign thing for Muslim kids, boys in particular I believe.)
so yes. he'll be at the neighbourhood mosque tomorrow. mingling with the goats.
and comes home smelling like one.
which means i'm off to gramps all by my lonesome.
and i have no flats to wear. ):

my day's already a bummer and it's not even daybreak yet. bahh..

speaking of goats. (:
well..i had this strange sequence of thoughts earlier at Little India (mum was grocery shopping)

pretty lights > red lights > blood > slaughter > goats > tears(they do cry!the goats i mean) > i need a happy thought > snow > white > The Haj > (:

ok...as i typed it out not as amusing at i thought it.

think i shall go ask mum if she needs any more help. if not.
the bed beckons.

goodmorning everyone.

Selamat Hari Raya Aidil Adha. (: (gee, i even know the 'term' )

you know, i could head over to the mosque right now and let the goats roam free.
but no. tradition, tradition.

ok..i'm going now........hello to my cousin who reads my blog. i think you may be reading this at work. (:

"but the real bombshells have already sunk.....this ain't a scene. (: "

2007-12-18T02:20:00.000+08:00

-------

ooh..
the clock on my wall says it's 11.05.
it's been slow the past couple days.
i'm still deciding if i want to wait for it to stop. or replace them batteries.

i know i'm suppose to be asleep now..
but sorta just done cleaning up a two thirds of my room..
that took me two days in total.
and there's a third left which is my table which is not much. (:
cause since the other two thirds i cleaned up is pretty much organised i now know where to put things if i want them put away.

oh. and i am awfully proud of myself.
well..i did major clean up. like dig out all letters and vodoo dolls and dirt sorta thing. (ok..well maybe no vodoo dolls) but yeahh..
well..i looked through less than ten letters and i actually felt happy about them.
and i had a happy song idea in my head!

(:

so that's why i'm proud of myself.
a genuine happy song idea.
golly, i am excited. (:

ok..so now after the cleaning up..i've now got official boxes.
and i didn't realise that subconsciously sorta put them in certain coloured containers or boxes until about forty minutes ago when i looked around.

i've got four boxes. two blues. one black and one black white.
i like how i know where what is. (:
and it's not even organised messy. that sort i will leave only for my table.
actually its pretty threatened to neatness too.

maybe it's overdued for hari raya?
or could be for hari raya haji?
maybe the new year?
or i feel like i owe my mum something?
my dad too?
(and there's that thing about growing up.)

i guess it's pretty much all of the above in some odd way or the other.

whatever it is. i like the air that i breathe right now. and i'm not gonna look for greener pastures cause i like the shade it's in now. (ok..maybe not really under the 'D.A.D' area.) and my brother seems to be a tad depressed lately. (i made a joke bout him being depressed the other day, mum, him and me had a good laugh.) i still feel like kicking his arse though. the bugger hasnt gotten his schbooks yet. and i pray he got that grant. free textbooks. (:

and i think i am officially sleepy.

still got that craving for apple pie though.

goodnight.

and good day to those elsewhere on planet earth. (:

2007-12-17T00:14:00.000+08:00

oh my god....

HADY MIRZA ASIAN IDOL?

it's not that i don't support homeboy.

just that..you know..mike and mao got bigger voices.

i guess this sorta proves that big isn't everything.

come to think of it the indian guy was misplaced, everyone had big voices even the vietnam girl, and i guess Hady was the most...humble? other than teddy bear mike.

fuck. he was shock, mike looked scared the indian guy looked happy his friend won and well the girls..jealous?seriously. it was kinda funny looking at them faces.

now i so wanna buy the papers tomorrow morn and watch the news and listen to the radio. (:

haha..anyways..much congratulations to homeboy Hady (as though i know him personally...)

and well..what they said is true as corny as it may sound.

ASIA WINS people.

ASIA WINS. (:

spread the love..but not too much.

(ooh..my typing's changed.)

2007-12-14T23:35:00.000+08:00

so here's a couple of words/phrases. i don't feel like typing sentences.

yellow chucks or paint on em with lasting odourless paint.(highcuts?)

wrist thingies.

a straw fedora.

my room needs cleaning up.

liquids. (healthy)

apples and apple pies.

saving electricity.

The Tryst.

god, i love all of my loves. (:

i blame christmas for the warm-ness.

stars.

sleep.

yeahh..i could go on...but i think that should be enough.

you gain some, you lose some.
then you tumble,

and if you've hope you gain again.

i hope.

2007-12-12T23:49:00.000+08:00

OKAY!

ONLY ONE THING I REALLY REALLY REALLY WANT TO SAY!

i love tryst. (:

spent the whole day with them.

from breakfast with meen and mar at macs to meeting shrtl(with groceries) at the cab stand to pink room, living room, balcony to void deck to wondering my parents haven't called to having funny dinner conversation to the end of the day.

yeahh...

whole day was with the bunch.

wen i hope more JAM SESSIONS NEXT WEEK!

new hangout place. (: new vibe. fresh. (: yay!(rhymes with almost every other word)

"and i hope..you'll be with me tomorrow......"

2007-12-10T20:31:00.000+08:00

---

was trying to edit some html stuff..and i got way annoyed...

maybe it's time for a move....wordpress? lj? what's there?

oh. here's a little something for everyone who needs a guide.
it's a quote, forgot by who. but i saw it in a movie.

"The only real voyage of discovery
consists not of seeking new landscapes
but in having new eyes. "

i hope you liked that bit.

2007-12-08T22:47:00.001+08:00

---

ignoring the fact that i've housework and my mum wants me to clean up my room...

i am..well..bored..

there is the guitar..and the internet...but..

i've got this nagging feeling in my tummy...ok..well..more of chest really...on second thought let's go with heart..so yes..heart. (:

it's been way too long since i had a dose of.....a tk bunch. don't really matter who(okay..maybe it does)..but yeahh..

so here i am..in my room..listening to tristan prettyman(imagining it's some cool jazz band when i can just put on Charles Mingus instead) and i've got my hat on(the brown checkered one).. and i'm typing on my mac pretending it's some really old typewriter that goes clickety-click-click-ting....

and oh...parentals just got home from a wedding..though i have to say they took rather long..think they went out walking too...bummer..can't bug any of my living breathing mugging and hardworking(delusional for some)...they've got the bad case of CAtastrophy blues..much luck whereever and whoever needs it. (:

HEY!

that sounds like a song don't it?

CAtastrophy blues.

"i got the type of love that'll bring you right down to your knees.." - Tristan Prettyman.

oh yes you do TP... (:

OH!

to the theatres for golden compass anyone?

and i feel like going to COURTS right now..smash a window in or something..grab a PS3 or XBOX and some games..OH..not forgetting the controllers..then use bro's bike as a get----OH DANG. he got his bike nicked..ok well..maybe i'd go nick a bike first..sounds good..but no..unfortunately i'm a law-abiding citizen(to an extent)..

i can hear the pretty Jules calling out to me. my eyes are getting weary though.

hoping i'd get to squeeze some creative pulp out. (and suddenly storytelling techniques merrily popped into The Head)
merrily..how long 'fore christmas? not really in the mood for it.

OH. this should be fresh.

how long 'fore Hari Raya Haji? (do i want to go to my aunts and sit there...possibly get bored...listen to peeple talk..get all fidgety...listen to a bunch of kids screaming...get sleepy.....)

i hear the TV on..brother brother..

some of you thought it was funny..

but SERIOUSLY.

he does need brain...please pray alongside with me..(i have to admit i like seeing him happy and all..but i don't like the non-productive part)

let's pray for all our brothers while we're at it! (:

how a bout a sidenote so that i'd finally stop typing...for now at least..

you know how....i can't think of anything..sigh

goodnight world.

2007-12-04T18:59:00.000+08:00

---

okayyyy.... (:

so past few days my mood been better.
don't really know why but i've got an inkling.

past 52 hrs full of happy/hyper influxes. pretty odd i must say.

and the way i type is different tooo...

OH FUCK.

i just cannot wait for this week and the next to be over...

THEN IT'S TIME TO GET CHUMMY WITH ME CHUMS/JAM/AND LORD ONLY KNOWS WHAT.

so screw the friggin essay tomorrow man! (ok..i know i can't..unless i really can't do it tmw..but qns alrd been given for us to prepare for. bummer. )

oh..and...i pretty much can play The Jackson Five cover already..and That Thing You Do too..and....this other song. (:

ooooohhhwweeeeeee...

now time for some dinner. (:

2007-12-03T23:17:00.000+08:00

my bro is on the phone with 2 other girls and 3 other boys.

his girlfriend is turning 13 tmw.

dear God. please give him some brain.

2007-12-03T13:38:00.001+08:00

time for something happy.

i didn't bring my discman to sch today.. (:

don't think i'll be using that thing for awhile now.. (:

"ooh..love was made for me and you..."

i like joss stone. (:

i miss my bunch of mates but sch gonne be a bummer for the week..mann..oh well..

soon. (:

2007-11-29T13:58:00.001+08:00

----

i am tired from the sudden rush of emotions in the past 14 hours.

two deaths.

and there's a cute girl in the library. not far away.

if only i can run.

i walk in a daze.

if only silence could help me. but no. i never get that.
sleep is my only relief.
but that's become rather difficult lately.

"if only you could see me now...
if only you could hear me out..."

i am tired.

2007-11-28T23:20:00.000+08:00

----

i have a mission for the next two weeks.

master I Want You Back by Jackson 5 by the time break comes around.

so that i'll have something funky to play for people around the christmas tree or whatnots. (:

old school here i come.

"oh darling i was blind to let you go. "

oh..i like daniel merriweather's voice. nothing special but i just like it.

----

2007-11-26T14:36:00.000+08:00

---

fuck..

i'm sleepy.

the weather's nice for staying under the covers.

i'm hungry.

and i feel sad.
hahaha...to many movies with sad endings lately..

i'm gonna ho home and watch another..and ask my rents if they want to hav edinner at banquet.

kinda crave for some fried fish soup handmade noodles with those chilli bits and saulty sauce.

and tea at the side. hot tea. really really hot tea.

2007-11-25T08:56:00.000+08:00

OOOOHHHH.... O.O

in the upcoming production for Justice League of America...guess who's on the rumored list?

:D

Adam Brody for The Flash/Wally West

Common for Green Lantern/John Stewart

Scott Porter for Superman/Clark Kent

and Teresa Palmer for Talia Ah Ghul

hahahahahhaha..
ok..

Mr Brody for Wally..i guess that's alright..he just needs to buff up a wee bit..and well..yeahh..Brody's Charm and Wally's could match..

Common for Green Lantern. Common's a sorta zen dude. Good pick I'd say. Thought they'd be featuring the other lantern though..the one that draws comics..the white dude..whatever his name may be.

Scott Porter. okay lar..he makes an alright young superman. not as buffed as Tom Welling. Then again i think Tom's too big for a teenage Kent. but pretty alright still.

AND. Teresa Palmer for Talia. She can pull it off I think. (: Talia' sorta hot..and so is Teresa. can lar..

hahahahahaha...

watched December Boys yesterday. It had Teresa Palmer in it. It was a good feel good movie. With Radcliffe as Maps.
I want to go watch the Tattooist now. Let's make sure Nurul can make it next time yeah? (:

and we can all go Pacific after buying books and chill there. (:

"i leave it up to your design. you are the artist. so surprise me with what you do." (:

i love that song.

2007-11-18T21:51:00.001+08:00

-----

who the fuck do you think you are? blowing me off like that.
only my friends have the right to do that.
i mean..well..they shouldn't..but yeahh..it's alright still if they do..

then again i've nothing personal against you.

"i'm not gonna write you a love song, cause you asked me for one"

ahahahahahaha...hell yeah that's true.. (:

2007-11-18T00:41:00.000+08:00

-------

ooh..now now..

who is Sara Bareilles?

o.O

2007-11-17T14:03:00.000+08:00

dad is pissed.

i have no bleeding clue why.
even brother says he doesn't know why.
and he left me to fend for myself.

going parkway later. to meet some of em.

think i'll do some reading to pass the time.

it started to rain. bummer.

i want to write like HOT HOT HEAT..but acoustically of course.
kinda lost me rythm. then again not too sure if i had any in the first place.
so much i have yet to explore on my guitar.

now..how do i go out in this rain?
and what do i say to pop?

2007-11-14T23:58:00.000+08:00

i wanted to rant.

then The River by M.Higgins played.
just seconds ago.

and now i'm a blank.

and that's what M. Higgins does to me.

now where's my chill out crew?
(wait..i've just one crew..actually we're more posse than crew.)

' she ran until her face was numb with cold and
wore a cotton gown that blazed the night untold.
she ran until her feet refused to hold
so heavy a heart for someone merely ten years old..... '

go take a listen. (:

2007-11-12T13:47:00.000+08:00

---

two-oh-one.
too-hunt-dread-and-want.

ahahahahahahah..

i like that.
ok..abit too out..

ooh..lately i've been..well..not neglecting..

but unsatisfied.

hahahaha..what with?

Jules. I've been in the mood to rock out.
distortion, whammy bars and all sorts of pedals sort of rocking out.

DEAR TRYST.
i don't know if we still exist(we're alive yes, but do we exist?) but can we go blow money breathing the stale air of a studio sometime soon?
really really soon?
and hey..i miss our groupies(if they ever really were groupies)...ahahahahahaahahaha...

just text me the songs that you want to sing/play and i'll go learn it now..
i swear.

and now i feel like going meens hse after school to jam.

can't though.

bummer.

2007-11-05T20:45:00.000+08:00

so it's my 200th post.

you know, as much as i like to think about possibilities. i want to hate them altogether.

the unknown is such a bummer ain't it?
but hey. life wouldn't be much fun if He let us know every single thing there was to know.
discovery is what brings joy.

I thank Him for allowing the possibilities we have today. wrong or right. at least he gave us free will to chose.

okay wait.

this is not definitely how i write.

and inbetween those lines.
what i meant to say is that, i hope you stumble upon this blog.
by some chance, you realise it's mine and you read it.

i want you to let me know. let me know exactly what i need to know.
hanging is one of the worst sorts. even you agreed.
so be a love, and tell.

other than that..i miss shima.
holy fuck i haven't seen her in 4 or 5 years.
though we did sorta stumbled into each other few months back at raffles.

damn it.
i really need my phone now..
i'm going mad.

DAMN IT.